IT'S ON

Well like I said, it's Deal A Meal and back to the gym time. I started this morning with a peach. (haven't had once of those in a long time) one scrambled egg done in non fat cooking spray, and 3 rashers of pre-cooked bacon. Lunch was a Asian salad from McDonalds, with grilled chicken mandarin oranges and almonds, sprayed with wish bone Italian vinaigrette salad spritzer's. And have drank a lot of water, no soda's or juices. I'm STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's not even 4.00 P.M. I also feel light headed somewhat, I have hunger pains, and feel gassy., and I have that I'm missing all the other shit feeling in my mouth.

To top it all it's raining, and you know rain is a huge deterrent when it comes to going to the gym, but my ass is going regardless! Hell I might even take in some steam! Okay, Okay we'll see.

Have a good weekend everyone!

CARDS ON THE TABLE

We all know that being fat doesn't just come from lack of exercise alone and trust me I've been doing a lot of chowing down which proves that fact.

Over the years I can't tell you how many diet's I've tried and how many I've invested in and wished from the moment I had the program in hand, that I hadn't.


Truthfully at times the diets that I tried didn't fail me, I failed because from day one on most of the plans, I knew I would. I'd expect a quick fix with quick results, by now of course I know that those expectations were pretty stupid thinking on my part, hell, I'm a living testimony that quick fixes do not work. Then of course I'd try weight loss plans that outline your meals for you, and knowing that I'm not going to eat or drink soy based food items, cottage cheese, oatmeal and that there is no way I'm going to chow down on barley loaf stuffed with chick peas.
will someone for the Love of God, please tell me why I'd fork out cash on a program that doesn't often you any substitutions?

Now, if I had to say which weight loss programs gave me the most success, I'd have to say, the 1994 version of the Weight Watchers plan was top of the list, LA Weight Loss Centers second and Deal A Meal last but not least coming in at a third. And so if I had to say why I was successful on them, I'd have to be straight up honest and say that the plans worked because I had made up my mind to abide by the rules that's it, plain and simple.

I was enthused and hopeful, something clicked and made sense and I wanted IT, the diet to work, In fact I'd go as far as to say that you couldn't pry me off the programs once I was on it, I was slowly living the before and after existence and as I watched the numbers on the scale go down, the thrill that I got from gradually getting smaller superseded that of wanting to pig out or cheat.

Suddenly I didn't mind the taste of lettuce, I mentally placed my thoughts towards food, in the zone where there were no thoughts about food. It was one exchange for another and on the 3 programs each paid off.

But, a diet only traps the beast, and once it escapes which you know it will, all food breaks loose and it's on along with the pounds you lost plus some. No, diets don't work, but they can make you think they do, just like quick fixes. What works is mentally changing your way of thinking towards food and making those changes fit a new life style. Where instead of having a relationship with food, you start to have a relationship with yourself.

Like the title of the book says, He's just not into you, well Food just isn't into you either, you can't live to eat, you have to eat to live, and if I'm honest, that was the difference that made the weight loss possible every time I lost large amounts of weight, I got that, but what I failed to get was a handle on my emotions, the golden key that releases the beast from it's place of imprisonment within me.

Since joining Weight Watchers back in '94, I can't remember how many times I've rejoined since, or for that matter how many variations of the plan I've tried to follow each time I did. But I do know that I've rejoined LA Weight Loss Centers a total of 3 times that isn't a easy chunk of change to throw away on a whim. Especially when your not rich by any means and living pay check to pay check.

Deal A Meal hmm, I invested in that program a total of 3 times, twice with the cards and once with the Food Move Over gadget that replaced the cards.

I'd laugh but it's not funny, when I think about it seriously, all it proves is that I'm constantly searching for a quick fix to make loosing weight easy and a no brainer. Who am I kidding? Weight loss isn't easy, if it were we wouldn't be blogging about it, because we'd all have a handle on our struggles.

So, since I've vented, what plan am I going to follow this time? Well, it's got to be the tried and tested no quick fixes you put in what you get out one of the three. I've thought about bringing my behind back to Weight Watchers, but I don't want to put another red dime on the counter especially knowing that I'm already struggling to get my behind to the gym as it is, without adding additional pressure to attend weekly meetings. I can't afford to do L.A Weight Loss Centers, that plus I can't eat another supplement or consume large amounts of protein, my mind is totally not in that zone any more. So, Deal A Meal wins. Can you see Richard Simmons tearing up? Just like the other plans, I know Deal A Meal well, I know it works, I know it allows me the freedom to eat real foods, and that when those cards tally at the end of the day, there is no reason why I should be eating.

So starting tomorrow, it's on, I'm dealing my way to better health, God help me.

WORK IT TILL YOU LAUGH

I did it, with a lot of encouragement from my sister, I got up from the couch and worked my behind off. At first my intention was just to show her the difference between various walking exercise tapes, so I put the DVD in and sat my behind down, but then she got this brilliant idea to work out, only she didn't mean alone. So there I am exercise walking with smiling shiny eyes George Foreman. I have to give the dude props however, because he didn't ask anything of us that he wasn't doing too, he worked out from start to finish too, cheering us on, and telling us to work within our comfort level. Truthfully, by behind wanted to sit the hell down, regardless of all of that, but Georgie was so real, and so totally in touch with what I might be going through as a over weight completely unfit novice, that I didn't quit even though I wanted to. The fact that my deeps don't dip as deep as people on the DVDs did, and that my squats barely dipped 5 inches, made the realization of just how totally unfit I was a in my face wake up call, but my sister continued to push my ass to towards a better me, whilst all the time telling me, you can't let smiling granny (the old lady on the workout DVD) work it whilst you quit. And yeah granny was smiling and doing her thang! and for a brief moment I wished granny would QUIT! Screaming my way through the burn, from the exercises, I continued to scream and laugh and shout abuse through the warm up, work out and cool down. It's like being tickled to what feels like near death, at first it's pretty funny, then it starts to get seriously un- funny, but as you chuckle spit bubbled audible words of stop, and motion to cry, you can't help but laugh even though your hurting, and as you hurt because it feels less and less funny, your pleads get more and more desperate, only the idiot that is tickling you, seems to think that your painful laughter means that you want more. It hurts to move your body and by now you've developed the crazy laugh which is clear that you've entered border line insanity, but they keep on tickling you, till you start to have unspoken conversation in your head, knowing that your either going to puke your brains out or stop breathing all together. Suddenly your loving friends/family or other half, is starting to look all crazed, and their smiling and laughing like SMILING GRANNY, have they lost their mind, of course they have as they tickle you towards what might very well be your final resting place. But in one last ditch effort your brain at that point tells you that you aren't breathing like you should, and the only way to truly save yourself is to make a huge PUKE sound. This normally stops the tickler from tickling. I exercised towards a glimmer of light, I worked myself hard enough to sweat, and laugh until I thought I would puke, I built up a thirst that can only be compared to that of a brush fire disparately needing rain. I was THIRSTY! But I stuck it out as hard as it was, and tried to control my breathing.

More importantly than all of that was the wonderful feeling that I had, knowing that I had done it. I kept up with smiling granny, Georgie would have been proud of me, because my sister was proud of me and I was proud of myself, I felt strong and alive after feeling like I would just about croak it. My sister was right I did feel great, I ain't gonna lie, when I tell you that it was worth it.

SHAMEFULLY

Shamefully I didn't go to the gym last night. Yeah I know, lowered eyes. Instead I went home, and though I could have, I didn't work out there either, but I did sit and stuff my face with the tiniest bit of salad, BBQ wings and baked potato whilst I watched my sister get her work out done. I felt bad, hard to believe I know, but it's true, because I knew that she was doing what I needed to be doing, and after all 3 weeks at it, I could see the evidence of what working out really does when you make your mind up to do it. But, since pay day isn't till Thursday, I let the price of gas be the deciding factor on whether I would make a left on the high way or make a right and head on home, needless to say it didn't take long for me to find an excuse that I could get my head around, even though I kicked it around a bit before I sent a email to my friend, seeking approval for my decision, (Now there's another issue) because deep down inside I knew it was a lame excuse, and that excuses like that don't wash, even with me. But what with gas prices being what they are, she completely understood, and suddenly we were trading emails about nation wide gas prices, lack of funds, and how much money we had put into our gas tanks for this week. Then today I decided not to bring my gym bag to work with me, no gym bag, no gym, simple, right? Wrong, because not bringing my gym bag so that I have an excuse not to work out today, doesn't wash either, how could it, when excuses aside, deep down inside, I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, but hear me out, I can honestly find a hundred reason why I shouldn't go, but here are a few good reasons why I want to go, and I've never had the desire before so I know they count for something. I want to prove that I can do it and stick to it because I don't want to fail. It bothers me that the personal trainer that took me through my free work out session, might notice that I'm M.I.A. And the last thing I want for her to think, is that here comes another un-used membership holder, wasting her money, and our time. A Quitter who's heart really wasn't into it when she joined. Someone that talks the talk but won't walk the walk, She's fat, terribly unfit and claims to be miserable because of it, yet she won't spend 1 hour a day to do anything about it. No I don't want to be that person, even if these last two days have been about me being just that. I don't want to give up before I've even begun to really get started. And I don't want to feel the way I do now, So Thursday, No lame ass excuses.

ROUND ONE EXERCISE

I've never liked exercise, though you'd probably find that hard to believe if you ever saw the large collection of work out DVDs and video tapes that I own.

Even in elementary school, I remember telling my mother that the teacher was trying to kill me, because she wanted me to do head stands, cart wheels and physical education in general, needless to say that by the time I reached high school, I pretty much hated all of it, the apparatus, jumping the horse, (buck) climbing rope, tennis, rounders, hockey, netball, volley ball, cross country running, fencing, pogo stick racing and stilts, so by the time I reached adulthood I added aerobic work out tapes, strength training and gyms to the list.

But the older I get, the more I realize that the weight doesn't just drop off the way it use to and all my wobbly bits don't just fall back neatly into place, and suddenly at 44 years of age all my wobbly bits refuse to allow me to push and shove them into places that they clearly don't want to go, instead they demand that I step to the plate and get real with myself, and at times that's a really hard thing to do.

So here I am unwillingly preparing myself for the road ahead, and I wish I didn't have to, because what a road it is, a road that consists of reps, sets, aerobics and sweat and even though I know that I didn't do this to myself over night, it sure feels as though I went to bed slim and woke up fat, and sometimes I'm bewildered at how this could in fact have happened to me. Yeah, I'm fat, unfit and disparately need of fix all of the things that are broken, yet I still find it hard to believe that I allowed myself to be talked into surrendering my credit card information for yet another expense as I'm billed monthly on a two year membership to belong to a gym that is 3 towns from where I live, 3 exits from where I work. How is that possible? And I realize that now that I'm a copy cat to prove a point kind of chic by this act of total madness because as I watched the reality t.v. show Work Out I was impressed by one of the women who traveled 2 and a 1/2 hours just to get to the gym, and I guess that subconsciously I took her impressive determination and ran with it, because she had a weight problem, wasn't thin and could so easily have been me, accept (here it comes) for the fact that her head is obviously in a different place to where mine is.

Can you say, If she can do it, I can do it...? Laugh, yeah OK.

So with some hounding from the recruiting team, I filled out all the necessary contracts, ouch! and I've been to the gym twice, since then for the cardio part of my free training session, (Oh how I wish I could afford a personal trainer.) and the strength training session.

Weighing in at 230 lb's with a BMI of 43% It should be 30%, groan, I am now the proud owner of one aerobic class schedule for the month, one strength training plan, and some knowledge of my strength training goals that I am suppose to be working at with the help of the machinery, Then with a brief once over of a few of the things that I know I will enjoy, once I convince my lazy mind to use them. i.e. whirlpool, dry and steam saunas. Kickboxing class and beginners spin class. I've being set free, with not a real clue as to what I'm doing, but I'll fake it till I make it without a personal trainer.

So, round one: belongs to my inner child, albeit that I made a decision to follow in the footsteps of some woman on t.v. who I've never met and more than likely never will.

That said, since I don't like exercise, you know the battle is on, because there is a part of me that doesn't want to go to the gym after work, doesn't want to drive all that way to get there. then have to drive even further to get home. doesn't want to spend 30 minutes trying to think of things to think about whilst I'm on the treadmill, doesn't want to try and look all cute as I sip water because I've built up a sweat doing a 5 minute warm up, when what I really want to do is GULP IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Being a couch potato, doesn't anyone really admit that?) I'd rather head on home, drop my bags at the door, grab a hold of the remote, put my feet up, chill, eat, chill some more then get my snooze on. "But If I can go to the gym being the exercise hater that I am, know what, YOU CAN DO IT TOO.

Did I just say that? Hmmm!