BLOGGERS INSIGHTS

During the last few days I've been somewhat emotional, partly due to weight gain and the emotional roller coaster ride that comes with feeling like I've failed once again, then feeling even worse because I'm on the binge eat again, chowing down on anything and everything that isn't nailed down. I feel like that tiny mouse on the wheel, treading steps but going absolutely nowhere.

To top it all, I've also had my share of personal drama's which made me feel angry at myself for being angry because I once again allowed myself to be drawn into mess that someone else decided to stick right under my nose. I've cried a lot, and ached a lot, ached when the tears wouldn't come, ached when and because they did, ached when they were wet and circling my nose and ached when they were dry tears getting ready to almost choke me. In short, I've been feeling totally gloomy.

But in the midst of gloom, I found the Blog, Finding Flabuless - Blog and suddenly I feel a lot better than I have, even in regards to food. Yeah I know, it's AMAZING, amazing how you can be totally down for days/weeks at a time, when suddenly a stranger enters your life in the most unexpected way, and whadda know, days/weeks of gloom start to go away.

Now get this......... Right now I'm not, and I repeat NOT on a weight loss diet. I'm going to eat and I might gain, and that's ok......... LAWD have mercy did I say that? laugh, Yeah I did. I did say that. What I am on however is a mentally and emotionally and spiritually self renewal and healing diet. Hmmm. Don't search for it on the web, lol because this diet comes from learning to be ok with myself.

Am I saying that I've given up on loosing weight? No, not at all, in fact loosing weight is as important to me as ever, but unless I shed all the negative thoughts and feelings that I've allowed others and myself to feed to myself, I will never be able to loose the weight and keep it off. Like the book said, it's not what we're eating it's what's eating us that can sometimes cause us to keep on repeating the same patterns that keep us where we are, and i honestly believe that because they are the first things that beat me down, when I say that I have failed.

Like I've posted before I am at times my own worst enemy, my own hindrance but more than that, I've allowed other peoples opinions of me to often times effect my own opinion of myself.

This is a emotional and mental exercise, with physical and spiritual rewards. Because I've been hunched over for so long, that standing straight in a full length mirror, will be a totally physical thing for me to do.

Losing the Baggage! I'm ready to start self healing.