PEELING OFF THE LAYERS

Peeling off the layers. Hmmm, so I'm not following a weight loss plan, not exercising, not doing much of anything truth be told and whilst I'm fully aware that I haven't surrendered to a way of life wherein I accept being heavy, right now I need the Rest and Relaxation that comes from not focusing on either for a while. Hell I'm all burnt out from the yo yo roller coaster years of not getting weight loss quite right. I will admit though that it's pretty weird to be this laid back about not having weight loss and exercise, listed as a part of my top 5 priorities.

Suddenly, I have way too much time on my hands and way too much unoccupied thought space in my mind. So much in fact that this evening to my surprise I feel extremely bored even though I've been watching t.v, reading, browsing the net and chatting on the phone

Of course this down time can't continue, indefinitely, naw there is no way I can just sit back as I veg and eat my way to a bigger me, I mean how could gaining weight ever be truly ok with me?

Anyway, after a long and boring work day, on the drive home and sang along to my new gospel CD by The Barrett sisters, and I felt every lyric until my body quickened because the words were so touching. It's the kind of singing that really gets a hold of you in an old time gospel kind of way...... I choked up and cried a few tears as I thought about my sister in law who died a few years back...... when she my sister and I started our own gospel singing group all those many moons ago. Then I stopped at Publix's bought a chicken, some canned carrots, cheapo orange soda, jimmy deans sausage, shredded cheese and a cadbury's flake........... yum.... I ate the flake in the car, got home checked the mail box, hoping that one or two of the books that I had ordered from EBay would be in it waiting for me.

One of the books arrived, although it wasn't the phone that I wanted to arrive the most. Anyway, I'm now the proud owner of yet another weight loss book with a DVD insert. With another book by the same author on it's way. See that's what happens when your still searching for the quick fix, only this time I was encouraged to purchase the book by a friend that has been using the methods religiously and who is excited about the fact that she's living testament to the fact that the methods work.........

So I bought the book, with ok, work for me, me, me, excitement, only to realize that there is no way that a big gal like me could do the exercises illustrated without doing myself a major injury because I'm not physically, or for that matter even close to being physically fit, not even when it comes to following the pre-program section of the book. How so? Well I can't do a push up to save my life because I although I might be able to push down thanks to gravity, there is no way I can lift the weight of me back up again. Not without breaking both elbows anyway.

But flicking through the pages before it gets put in the stack where weight loss books go to die, The Ultimate New York Body Plan, by David Kirsch, is I'm glad to say more than just a book about losing rapid amounts of weight with diet and vigorous exercise.

I mean I love the recipes which are all doable for me, realizing almost immediately that I could get into the kind of food he recommends on program and not feel like I'm on a starvation diet when it comes to good food and taste. I mean I could get down with sesame chicken fingers, roasted red pepper frittata's Middle Eastern Chicken Kabob, or Mediterranean chicken stir fry, yeah even me a finicky eater could get down with all of that.

Even the 2 to 5 lbs dumbbells, stability ball (once I get my balance that is) and medicine ball are all totally doable pieces to include in exercise. Even for a big gal, but it's the pace and types of exercise that I definitely have a problem with. I just wouldn't be able to trust a stability ball to remain stable as I do sit up on it at my weight. It's a case of can the plastic garden chairs hold your weight or will the legs start to collapse as you sit your behind down on it.

But what I love most about the book so far is that Mr Kirsch, gives you things to really think about, for example, He tells you to "Become comfortable with failure......... " uh? and he goes on to explain what he means, and how to do exactly that..... And whadda know, it totally makes sense.

H also goes on to ask, if your (I'm) hiding behind my weight...... Well Mr. Kirsch since you asked. At times I think I am, But more about that later, because it would be like peeling off another layer from a onion with an high risk of getting all emotional and stuff to post about it now...... When right now, being "FREE" as I posted not too long ago is enough for me right now and I know that I kind of want to wear it for a while before I get into something else that might be just deep.

But as I chill out and just do nothing, one of the things that I am aware of is that I really need to find and focus on a weight loss program that I want to start/begin a new with. only thing is I'm not sure what that program that will be yet. But as soon as I figure it out, I'll let you in on it. I promise.