SOUND MIND

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Personalized

“MY deepest fear is not that I AM inadequate. MY deepest fear is that I AM powerful beyond measure. It is MY light, not MY darkness that most frightens ME. I ask MYSELF, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who AM I not to be? I AM a child of God. MY playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around ME. I AM meant to shine, as children do. I WAS born to make manifest the glory of God that is within ME. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as I let MY own light shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As I AM liberated from MY own fear, MY presence automatically liberates others.”

I've always loved these words by Marianne Williamson, I guess because when I remove the generalization and turn the word our into my, there is a huge amount of truth that comes to life for me. So when I found the words as quoted in David Kirsch's book, although from the voice of Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural address, it was a very unexpected find, not because the words of Marianne Williamson don't belong in this kind of book, but because the foundation on which the words were placed being that of fitness, nutrition and more importantly a sound mind fits like a square peg to a square hole. In fact I'd go as far as to say that the words speak louder to me now than the words did prior to reading them in his book. They somehow confirm the fact that everything, how I think, how I see myself, how I want to be, and where I want to be, depends largely on how I confront my disappointments and failures, and build on and towards my hopes and dreams, I have to come together so that it all comes together, it all has to balance so that one aspect of my life, i.e. "fear." doesn't tip the balance of all the others.

In order for me to succeed at the very things that I say I want in my life, I have to realize that the negative brain washing must stop so that the positive mantras can root from the seeds and ulitimately flourish. To be able to saythat my greatest fear is that not I am inadequate, but more that I have the ability to be and therefore am powerful beyond measure is to mantra my way to success. I have to apply positive affirmations and live my life with the kind of conviction and drive that is needed in order to go after the things that I say I want as though my life depended on it.

Truthfully now that I am taking time to really think about the exercises that I've started as instructed by this book, as I put my issues on the table, I realize that very little about me is in balance and that most of my feelings of inadequacies are self made or inflicted by others because I've allow myself to become an open target to my own words, and words like those of my ex, words which knocked me off balance, bruise an already low self esteem, cause me to lack confidence and to doubt my own abilities, words that constantly taunted and ate away at me.

Yet I can't help but look in the mirror and ask the me that is reflected, what if? What if my self esteem and self confidence where in tact, wouldn't I have more than likely brushed the hurt off, instead of carrying it deep within me. Isn't the truth of the matter that, the words hurt because in all honesty how he perceived me is in fact how I perceived myself.

So looking at me, in that mirror looking myself straight in the eyes, my first mantra is birth, People can only drag you all over the place if you aren't steady on your feet, but they can't lead you if you don't choose to follow.

And it is clear to me now that if I hadn't follow his lead by allowing him to later drag me to where I didn't want to be mentally and emotionally, who knows, where I might have being today. I use my ex as an example, but it hasn't just been him or that kind of situation, it's been many things, from being over looked by guys amongst my slimmer friends when we've hung out together, because I'm the one that is heavy. to being told that I've tried at business and only real business people have the potential to succeed.

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A post or two ago, I mentioned that I didn't want to address the question that Kirsch asked, in the first few pages of his book, which was "are you hiding behind your weight?" and other than to admit that yeah at times I think I am, I just didn't want to touch on the subject past that, of for that matter open myself up to what he was in fact getting at by asking that question. Naw, I was perfectly content to rest in the fact that I was feeling free of the proverbial monkey that I had been carrying on my back, by coming to terms with the hurt that I carried around within me because of words my ex said to me.

That "freedom" was in my mind healing and I fully intended to chill out with where I was in that freedom, and not hurry to deal with a lot of other things, but this Kirsch fella is a pretty pushy dude. and from foreword to chapter one, he has really cornered me into a place wherein the little that I've read so far, has opened me up to realizing that the healing comes after the release, after the things that have been holding you back, after you set those things free and after you have freedom, there's a good chance that you might need to reevaluate what it is that you are in fact free from, because what I deemed as being "Free." and healing was in fact "Freedom from being held so that I can start the process of healing.

Deep uh? All this from a few pages, uh, huh, ALL OF THIS!

Anyway, I've taken the band aid off and now I have to clear up all the icky stuff that has been festering under the band aid. Hey I knew full well that the wound wasn't cleaned when I applied the band aid, I knew that there was some foreign bodies deep with that was going to fester and ultimately did because of the pain that I was feeling, hence the reason why I wasn't healing.

This book will I'm sure be a slow read, because Mr Kirsch, seems to be speaking to me from the pages, and at the same time giving me gifts the first one being a simple word and that word is CHOICE......., yeah CHOICE, he has put choice back in my hands. Wherein I can either, Choose to be fat and unhealthy or choose to be slim and healthy too...... Choose to re program how I think or continue thinking as I have.

Now let me back up, to the fat and unhealthy line, After posting "Rant." and the YouTube pieces that are about "Rant." I'm not talking about people that are heavy and healthy......... My opinion there has not changed. But I am talking about this island, which is ME.... because I'm not healthy and I'm definitely fat and the two combined don't work for me, they both work against me. How can I be healthy when if I bend down on the floor, I can't get up again, without having to give trying to get up my best effort, because my knees hurt from all the extra weighted pressure, how can I be healthy when I breathe heavily and my heart rate accelerates from all the effort that it takes me to get back up again, How can I be healthy when I can't get up without having to hold on and push all of my weight against or on the thing that is supporting me. How can I be healthy when my stomach is so large that I'm at risk for heart disease, as the fat from my stomach pushes up against my heart. Eye opener, compliments of David Kirsch.

My knee gave out a couple of days ago and if it wasn't for the kitchen counter, I would have ended up on the floor. My knees get weak when I have the weight on me. So the weight can only be doing me bodily damage, which isn't what? HEALTHY

So my choices are.

1.Decide to be open or closed to what he, being David Kirsch is trying to get across.
2.Close the book and put it away and try to forget about it.

3.Accept the fact that there is an element to this book where he digs pretty deep.
4.Duke it out with him and let him help me, even if it's painful or I feel like giving up.
5.Face my demons as he calls them. Recognise who and what they represent and how to conquer them one by one
6.Let him lead me knowing that it's me that ultimately has to do the work.
7.Commit to a full 6 weeks.

8. Have fun doing it.

9. And push all my past attempts out and away from me.

10. Unlearn to learn.

I've decided to put myself in his hands and put both of us in God's. Now weight loss is only a small area of my sound mind healing, because there is more to me than my weight, but it's a small pebble with a big rippling effect. I feel good about starting.

Will post again in a week, until then I've got a book to read.