SEVEN WHOLE DAYS OF CHA, CHA, CHA

Now why for the Love of God can't I just stop yo-yo-ing when it comes to weight loss?

Why can't all the foods I mindlessly pig out on taste like cream corn, yuck! So that I wouldn't crave foods that are making me fat?

Why is it that from out of nowhere I can hear food calling me by name like something out of the Twilight Zone?

Why is it that one mouth full of my most tempting foods starts the on set of close to being orgasmic moans that I make me want to sink my teeth into the pure pleasure of food, yet when the pleasure is over all too quickly I might add, I end up feeling guilty for enjoying the thrill and abused by food? Abused? Huh, huh, because after the pleasure it turns around and plasters it's self all over my body in the form of globs of unslightly fat. eww!

Orgasmic moans? Ever tried a Krispy Kreme donut? ORGASMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, Why, why, why, why, why did I weigh in on Sunday July 8, at 221.5 lbs then step off the scale feeling like little Ms. Hottie to the Left over there, even though we all know that I'm closer to being Ms. Hottie to the right, but not so Hottie hottie, then become big headed enough to think that just because I lost 11 lbs during my first week on the beach, that I could reward myself with a free ticket to eat without conseqence, and PIG THE HELL OUT! as though I were thin and completely healed of my obeseity.

This makes no sense to me, Yeah, I get the part about feeling pretty pleased with myself, afterall 11 lbs down, is some pretty pleasing stuff to be pleased about. But like the Carpenter's song goes, we've (I've) only just begun! And it should have been right up there in the top 10 list of "Girl this is what you need to comprende."

1. Your not on a diet your in a life style change.

2. Just because you loose weight today, does not mean that you can eat like it's gonna go out os style if you don't.

3.) The scale is not ok, is your friend, because it's always going to tell you the truth.

Let me stop at 3.

But me being me, whadda know, yeah you guessed it, the BEAST, called Glutton rose up from my slowly shrinking tummy and I've been chowing down on carbs ever since.

Jesus, I only had 7 days to go before I could slowly re-introduced good carbs into my life. 7 days, and I couldn't hold my horses till July 15th weigh in.

So, here we go again thankful that haven't gained all 11 lbs but disgusted that I've gained a solid 5 to 6. Needless to say the scale dance has once again started, and since I have two scales strategically placed one in front of the other, so it's almost as though I'm dancing the electric slide as I hop on one, walk forward and hop on the other, get off then walk backwards and hop on the other again. Doing the electric slide. And I do this a few times until I finally let it sink in duh, that the numbers aren't going down.

As soon as the truth hits me, it's time to do the cha cha cha. Cha, Cha, Cha for more desparate measures.

So it's clothes on, "oh my God, that can't be right! clothes off........ down .2 cha cha cha, move to the left, cha cha cha, move to the right, cha cha cha and bloody cha! move to the front, move to the back. Bend, move the scale, stand on, toes off, stand off stand on heels off, stand on, lean to the left, lean to the right, hands straight down, hands on hip, cha, cha, cha. Light blub idea coming on time to pee cha cha cha, get off the scale, get back on down .4 cha cha cha, Huh? Huh? cha cha, time to poop, cha cha cha, that's it, my one saving grace, cha cha cha, squeeze my brains out in my best constipated effort cha cha cha and a desperate need to invest in some flax seed? yuckedy cha! Lord it's like a little me trying to break free from the insanity cha cha cha. That should do it, cha cha cha. (you'll be singing it tomorrow. laugh)

Hey someone has to talk about it, because we all know that POOP is a dieter's nightmare when your constipated, and trust me there are all kinds of poop depending on what kind of plan your on, but constipated Pre Poop weigh in's, are the worse and will totally Mess with your head, So being the weight loss diet pro that I am, I've learned by now that if I just sit and wait that poop out, I'll be that much lighter when I'm done. especially when I know that a weight loss of .4 lbs just won't cut it.

Aww patience is a virtue for sure, 1 lb lighter, Horayyyyyyyyy! Yeah, Yeah, Yeah eww how gross, but a brick is a hell of a lot of weight to carry and at 1 lb lighter I ain't gonna lie, I'm happy that I don't feel so heavy!

So ladies and gents, today I weighed at 226.5 on one scale and 225.2 on the other..... Either way it boils down to a SOLID 5 to 6 lb gain. But a whole 1 lbs loss.

So please excuse my French, when I say I'm so tired of this sheeeeeeeeet! No pun intended.

Back on plan tomorrow!

Lord help me when I decide to tell you about the birdie dance!

MY RANT

Rant, I saw this YouTube Clip called "A FAT RANT" and thought I'd add it to my Blog because when you have a weight problem there isn't anything in what she said, that you can't fully understand. So, as I watched it I couldn't' help but think, hmmm girl I hear ya! I hear ya, I hear ya!

Then I listened to the dude's response to what people wrote about what she had to say on YouTube and I thought, dude more power to ya! I hear ya! I hear ya, and yeah your cute!

Then I listened to The Morning Show debate and I thought, YOU GO LADY!!!!!!!!! Good for ya! Rant and let that skinny beetch have it and the skinny dude host too.

Rant! I think at times we all want to. Especially when it comes to peoples prejudice and assumptions when it comes to how they see heavy set people.

RANTTTTTTTTTTTT yeah, I wanna rant, every single time I go into a store to buy something to wear, and it stops being cute at a size 8. Or I can't get a pair of boots to go past my cankles much less over my calf's. Rant because I'm more comfortable in a large Handicap cubical than I am in a small toilet cubical where I can barely turn around to close the door without having my legs pressed up against the commode.

Yes I'm fat, and Yes I want to loose weight, But get this, I don't want to be rail thin, I just want to be in between, where I still have back, (A nice shaped booty) and curves in all the right places. Ok I can always wish.

No, I don't enjoy being fat and being linked to all the words associated with being fat, whether it be Big gal, plus sized, pleasingly plump, thick, full figured, or wow, your a big girl ain't ya! I beg your pardon, who you calling BIG? actually I'm a medium sized girl in a big girls body can't you see? That's my inner child crying, but as you tag me with names like the above to cover my hurt I put a brave face on it and smile.

I don't wear fat well, and I don't feel well wearing excess fat on my body.
Being fat is draining to me, I get tired easily, my joints hurt, I sweat more, snore loudly and the slightest exertion makes me feel as though I'm about to have a heart attack. But that doesn't mean that just because I feel this way, anyone else with a weight problem must too.

I don't feel pretty, desirable, or sexy and being fat doesn't help my self esteem. But that's doesn't mean that someone who is heavy, isn't pretty, dersirable and sexy.

When I feel like being sexy and want to do a strip tease, when I throw my full sized french cut panties at my man, the last thing I want him to even try to think is that my panties are as big as a half slip. Just because they aren't a size 5. Now maybe he doesn't think that way, but lets face it that's what I'm thinking because society makes being heavy bad, so is it impossible that he might not for a spilt second think the same thing too. HMMMMM! Honey, do I look fat to you?
Ok I get it that you love me just the way I am, but dude that wasn't the question.

That being said, since I'm not blind of course I see beautiful fat, pleasingly plump, full figured, thick, plus sized people, women and men who look good heavy. And they carry the weight in a way that I can't, don't and won't ever carry it.

They carry it in a way that reflects just how intact their self esteem is despite being fat. They dress and what they wear compliments their body, they know how to shop for plus sized cloths that flatter their wobbly bits, when the clothes I buy draw attention to all my wobbly bits and all the bits that don't wobble.

Some of them are (and I write that trying not to make it seem like they are creatures from another planet, because if they are, I am too.) But some of them, are physically a lot fitter than I am and a lot of them are a lot heavier than I am. Take Monique, when she danced like Beyonce, I'd like to see me try that, without dripping buckets of sweat and pleading for a mask just so that I can get some oxygen. Sometimes just standing up is a huge production for me or so it feels at times.

When your heavy and comfortable in your skin, you don't lay in bed with your lover and thank gravity for pulling everything back as it slips towards the mattress when your laying on your back. You don't fear trying different positions that might cut off your air way, as he tries to hike your legs up in a position that because your fat seems almost obscene. When your comfortable in your body you don't thank God for the extra thick curtains that you bought that make night seems 10 times darker. So instead of checking you out with his eyes, it's almost as though he has to check you out in brail.

When your comfortable in your own skin, non of the above happens but it does for a fat person who isn't comfortable with being fat, a fat person that is constantly trying to find the cure to their obesity. Trust me when I say that I wish that I were more like them, comfortable in my fat, because it would sure make things a lot easier if I were. God knows I wouldn't have to battle society and then turn around and fight against myself. Do you know how much lighter I would feel if that were the case?

But I ain't gonna lie, a lot of what A Fat Rant talks about, I have experienced because I've been there and am still there even though I'm working really hard to walk away from where there is.

People unfortunately judge a book by it's cover, time and time and time again. Oh course the skinny women has to be healthy, God help the fat person that would ever claim to be, what a lot of bollocks. Size has nothing to do with High blood pressure or cholesterol.

I'm fat but I'm not suffering with either thank God.

I've seen Manuel Uribe Garza the fattest man in the world (pictured above) bed ridden and doing exercises and making it look like water off a ducks back, and I'm God only knows how many hundred of pounds pounds lighter than he is, and tell me to do a few upper body exercises and I end up whining like a freeken baby. Go figure!

End of rant!

DAY SEVEN WEIGH IN

Well, it's weigh in day today, and here's proof that anything you set your mind to acheive you will acheive. Down from 232.5 lbs, I weighed in today at 221.5 lbs a loss of 11 lbs total. WHOAAAA!

My BMI down from 39.9 to 38.0 HUH SMILE.

So, I now have 66.5 lbs to go and I will have reached the 155 goal that I set for myself.

I can do this. I know I can.

THE COOKIE MONSTER IS OUT TO GET YOU

Well it's Sunday and the official weigh in day for my South Beach challenge, get this, I ain't scared, because with or without clothes I'm nowhere, where I was when I started one week ago.
Feeling good, wouldn't you know it, I just so happened to walk past a packet of butter cookies, and I swear they called my name. And for a moment I stopped in my tracks did a double take and imagined the cookies in my mouth, crunch, crunch, crunch then I came to my senses and as I looked at the cookie packet, I thought, girl you better get ta steppin. And I did. I am working really hard at this. I'm determined to succeed, though I have a long way to go, and still look fat even though I've lost ___________ amount of pounds.

Anyway, I'll post my weight a little later on. until then good night!

DAY SIX TEMPTATION

I went food shopping for my daughter today, because she's still taking it easy since she had the baby. Anyway, I ended up buying everything that I thought she and her boyfriend would need, including treats, and when I was done, I picked up the Chinese food that I had ordered for them too. But here's the difference, I did not buy a single thing for myself food wise okayyyyyyy... and I didn't order myself any Chinese food. Me! Not ordering Chinese food is like Idaho potatoes being dug up in New Mexico.

Now as much as I love Chinese food, I had to make a stand by resisting the temptation to order anything for myself, much less to stay around and watch them eat it.

I didn't try to convince myself that if I ordered something like chicken, shrimp or beef and broccoli that would be cool, after all it's protein with vegetable. Naw, Naw, Naw, I'll tell you what it is, it's out of control eating waiting to happen.

Trust me, I've been down that road many, many, many times, including this past 4Th of July. With my "oh I'll bake a peach upside down cake for the barbecue get together and I won't have a single piece, (But ended up having 2) wishful, I have control (Yeah right) and it ain't gonna happen kind of thinking. Knowing full well that I would and sure enough I did.

So whilst I have a not chowing down on Chinese food victory, wouldn't you know it, I'm past starving, and thinking to myself, we're "we want it now people, instant, quick and ready to go." Yet here I am hanging out with a Perdu Chicken hoping that it will defrost like yesterday just so that I can cook something South Beach friendly and healthy.

I DID IT

Ok, so in my earlier post I mentioned that I had my gym bag with me but that I didn't want say I would go to the gym just incase I ended up not going. Well I went to the gym!
I did it, I did it, I did it, and for the first time ever I felt really good about exercising.

I did a total of 30 minutes on the treadmill, and a 10 minute warm up. I burned 210 calories and I was smiling inwardly and out.

I got weighed and measured so here it is.

Shoulders 30 1/2
Bust 47 1/2
waist 44 3/4
arms/biceps 16
Hips 48
Thighs 22 ( I had measured the upper part of my thighs they measured the lower)
calf Right 17
Weight 227 With clothes on. (I have lost some weight)
BM1 39

I'm smiling........... Good night! Time to dream about the Beach!
.

DAY FIVE

So it's day 5 and I'm back on track, after my minor slip up.

I've haven't really been on top of the water so I'm about to change that, in fact, hold on, let me go get some now. You can count till I get back,1 2, 3 - 40.... Come on, I didn't take that long to get back. Ok. Less parched. Where was I?

Oh yeah, I'm back on track, and get this I have my work out cloths with me. Yeah I know, I know, what matter of maddness is this?

Seriously though, maybe it's me wanting to make up to myself by getting a work out in, but I want to work out today, so we'll see, I'm not making any promises that at 5 I'll head in the direction of the gym and do what I need to do to get firm and slim, but there's a 50/50 chance that it could happen.

Now tell me if I'm the only one, that looks at their body parts and all there wobbly bits and thinks what the heck!

Well let me see, after months of realization that I have cankles in stead of ankles, I have now discovered a word that fits a good descritpion of what was once my chin and neck. Chineck. Yes folks I have a chineck another body part blending where the mass of fat from one body part does a fat slide into another, hence CANKLES and now a CHINECK! Jesus Help me!

Now from the side it looks like I have Chinecks, from the front it looks like I have a Chin - eck but from a frontalside position, I definately have a CHINECK. After three, 1, 2, 3 What the Heck!

Lawd knows I'd cover it up if I could, but I ain't no bandit. So I have no choice but to loose the weight so that I can have a seperate chin and neck again.